Untitled Story - The Beginning part 1

Hamesha se yehi sunta aa raha hun ki agar zindagi mili hai to kuch karke dikhao , aage badho aur kuch banke dikhao. Shayad isi chakkar me main yahan khada hun .17 saal jee liya , kuch bahut bada nahi kiya par kuch glat bhi nahi kiya tha ek saal pehle tak. Kise pata tha ki 1 saal me hi haar maan lunga main. Sab to yehi kehte the ki main jaroor kuch alag karunga. Pure khandaan me main hi sabse unche post par pahuchunga. Lekin shayad main is sabka asli haqdaar nahi hun. Abhi zindagi ke pehle hi kadam me fisal gaya aur aisa fisla ki taang hi tudwa baitha.Abhi jahaan main khada hun , wahaan yaa to meri zindagi khatam ho jaayegi yaa phir zindagi ek aur mauka degi phir se marne ke liye. Mere liye yeh mera last spell tha. Aage jeene ki himmat nahi hai mujhme. Waise shayad aap mujhe nahi jaante .  Mera naam Vishnu hai . Aur isse jyada jaanke aap kya karoge kyuki abhi to main marne wala hun. Aaas paas koi nahi hai jo mere iss faisle ko badal sake. Kuch hi der me ek train aayegi. Wo train yaa to mujhe kuchal ke apna raasta aage naapegi yaa to mujhe jeene ka ek mauka degi. Bahut kuch seekha maine apne chote se safar me , aur bahut suffer kiya maine in 1 saal me.Jab aapse ummeed lagane walon ki taadaat jyada ho , to do hi baate ho sakti hai, yaa to aap un ummeedo pe khade utarte ho yaa phir un ummeedo par pani pher dete ho. Dusra wala kissa mere saath hua. Platform ke bilkul kinaare hun , Aur zindagi ke ant pe . Jaise hi koi train aayegi main patriyon par jaaker khada ho jaaunga. Mujhme to itni bhi himmat nahi ki main saamne se aati hui train ko apni aankhon se dekh sakun. Socha tha blind fold ho jau par utna taam-jhaam kyu karna jab end me marna hi hai. Bas ! ab baaton ka samay samaapt . Patriyon ka kap-kapana shuru ho gaya tha . Shayad meri sawaari aa rahi thi. Jitna main soch raha hun , shayad utna nahi sochna chayiye mujhe. Yeh kitna aasaan hai sirf train ke samne jaana aur uske paas aane ka intezaar karna hai.  Baaki ka kaam to wo sawaari hi kar degi. Par jitna bolne me simple hai utna yeh asal me hai nahi. Samne maut khadi ho jaaye to acche-accho ki pant geeli ho jaati hai aur main to sirf ek 17 saal ka haara aur kaayar baccha hun. Par agar baccha hi ho toh yeh sab karke kya fayda? Kyun kisi ke diye gaye tohfe ko itni jaldi lauta rahe ho? Bhagwan ne agar jeene ko saanse di hai toh saanso ko chalte rehne ke liye kuch na kuch to bheja hi hoga. Par mere case me wo bahut late ho gaya tha. Mera oxygen ka dabba khatam ho chuka tha . Aur bharne ki koi gunjaayish bhi nahi thi. Achanak se samne se aakash pe kaale dhabbe dikhne lage. Neele-neele pani me zeher ghol diya ho kisine aisa lag raha tha . Yeh zeher mere liye tha aur uss zehereelay paani me mujhe akele hi dubki lagani hai. Train aa rahi hai . Kuch hi der me wo mere shareer ko paar kar degi. Ab time aa gaya tha ki main platform ka kona chodhdu aur patriyon par khada ho jauun. Mann me ajeeb si hulchul mach rahi thi. Andar se kaheen aawaaz aa rahi thi ki aisa mat kar. Mat jaa train ke saamne. Darr mere chehre par saaf jhalak raha tha .Maathe pe pasine ki pehli boond aur uske baad to pura jism hi uski thandak se kaapne sa laga. Hichkichahat thi ki kya yeh karna zaruuri hai. Par na karna kaayarta hogi. To suicide bhi kaun sa veerta ka kaam hai? Man ke mat-bhed ko bhedna bahut kathin hota hai. Jo ispe kaabu paa leta hai wo hi ucchaiyon ko mutthi me kar pata hai. Mere andar itni kaabiliyat hoti to shayad aaj main khud ko hi maaf kar deta. Kya soch raha hai Vishnu ? Train aayegi aur nikal jaayegi , tu bas saamne chala jaa. Maine socha apni dari hui aankhon ko dhak dun . Par yeh faisla toh aur bhi galat nikla. Ankhen band karte hi woh saari baatein saamne aane lagi jo kabhi mujhe pasand aaya karti thi. Jinse main tha aur jo mujhse thi. Mummy- papa , Meri behen , Mera chota bhai , mere dost , mera pyaar ; in sab ko main alvida kaise kahuun ? Train aur bhi kareeb aa chuki thi . Mere paas ab jyada time nahi tha . Sochne ka samay samapt ab uss khai me kudne ka waqt aa gaya tha jise maine hi gehraayi di thi. Ek baar phir se Ankhon ko band kiya aur platform ke neeche utar gaya . Aas-paas koi awaaz nahi thi. Mano sab meri maut ko dekhne ke liye shaant ho gaye hai. Koi aahat nahi . Na kisi panchi ki chehchahahat , na hi kisi ke kadmo ki aahat. Duniya tham si gayi ho jaise. Train ki tej dhwani bhi ab kaano me nahi pad rahi hai. Shayad maut ke itne kareeb aaker shareer bhi saath chodh deta hai. Haath ek jagah nahi tik rahe the. Kapkapi se pura badan jhalla utha tha. Achanak se ek tej awaaz aayi aur meri maut ki sawaari mere samne se nikal gayi.Train apna kaam kiye bina hi chali gayi. Usne uss insaan ke liye koi fikr nahi ki jo aaj apni jaan dene ke liye train ka sahara leeya huwa tha. Phir se sab kuch pehle jaisa ho gaya.Awaaze mujhe chilla ke keh rahi thi ki main zinda hun. Kaano me aaker mujhe kaayar keh rahi thi. Panchi phir se apni meethi boli se mujhe jeene ki icchha dene lage. Hawaayein mere chehre ko jaise tamacha maarne lagi . Main khud ko maar bhi nahi saka. Darr itna hai to zinda kaise hun main ab tak ? Khud pe bahut gussa aa raha hai. Pura chance hone ke bawjood main fail ho gaya. Kya karun ? Akhir fail hona hi likha hai life me toh aadmi kar bhi kya sakta hai. Bas yehi failure ka dhabba na lag jaaye mujhpe isiliye toh aaj marne aaya tha . Par aaj maut ke test me bhi fail ho gaya. Man toh kiya ki train ko peeche kheech ke phir se uske saamne aa jaauun. Na jee sakta hun , na mar paa raha hun. He Bhagwan ! mujhe le jaa na yaahaan se. Ab kaun sa bura din bach gaya hai jo maine dekha nahi hai ab tak.Waapas apne ghar jaana padega ab. Shayad kal subah mujhe isme safalta mill jaaye par ab dusri jagah par. Pehla attempt hi toh fail hua hai . Yeh keh kar khud ko sambhal to liya  par agli baar bhi yeh na ho aisa tay kar liya. Dusri baari me yeh ho jaana chayiye. Kitne din aur aise jeena padega? Station ko chodha aur ghar ka rasta pakda. Peeche mud kar bhi nahi dekha uss jagah ko. Soch liya ki ab dekhunga toh upar wale ke sath hi.