Insaan apne aap ko har badlaav ke anusaar dhaalne ki koshish karta hai par jab wo aisa karne me naakamyaab ho jaata hai tab wo apne aapko andar hi andar kam hota paane lagta hai. Apni nayee zindagi se yaa toh haar maan leta hai yaa phir apni haari hui zindagi ke saath ghut ghut ke marta hai. Mera bhi yehi hashr hua . Main St.pauls school me padhta tha . Padhta kya ji , main waha ki rag-rag se waakif tha. Mere ghar ke baad meri sabse pasandida jagah thi mera school. Waha ke sabhi teachers ki aankhon ka taara tha main. Waha ke sabhi students mujhe jaante the aur respect ke saath mere se pesh aate the. Kyu nahi aate ? Main school ke popular list ka aham hissa tha. 4 saal me har year class toppers me shamil tha aur apne school ke har function aur programs me part liya tha. Na jane kitne awards jeete the maine . Na hi sirf padhai ke liye , balki singing aur quiz me bhi haath jamaaya tha maine. Yeh school mere liye kisi swarg se kam nahi tha. Mere har sapne yahaa sach ho rahe the. Lekin har sapna tab tut jaata hai jab aap apni aankh kholte ho. Mera bhi yeh sweet dream tab khatam hua jab mujhe apne iss swarg ko chodhna pada. Class 9th me mujhe St.paul se Little Rose school me jaana pada. Pata nahi kyu? Shayad isiliye kyuki Little Rose shaher ka sabse bada aur sabse lokpriya school tha. School campus bahut hi bada tha , bahut naam bhi suna tha iss school ka. Suna tha ki iss school me ek se ek amir baap ke shehzaade padhne aate hai. Pehli nazar me toh koyla bhi sona dikhta hai. Mujhe laga ki main ise bhi swarg samajh sakta hun. Par main galat tha. Yeh swarg ke darwaaje se hoke jahannum tak le jaata hai. School me koi buraai nahi thi par meri life ki sabse badi galti yaheen hui. Class 9th se entry ki. Class-room me itni bheed thi ki laga ki kho jaaunga. Maine kabhi itne tej bacche kisi bhi school me nahi dekhe the. Sab ek se ek the aur haajir-jawaabi me sabke baap the. Yeh na to kisi ke dost the aur na hi kisi se dushmani ke mood me the. Inhe sirf kitaab ke keede kehna sahi hoga . Teacher ke chehre pe bade-bade shabd jhaarte the aur unke peeche chote-chote gaaliya dete the. Mujhe back-stabbing na aati thi aur na main kabhi seekhna chahta tha. Mere good ko kaheen Bad ki nazar na lag jaaye isiliye pehla saal main kam se kam bolke nikaal liya. Mera % age kam hua tha aur toppers ki list se naam hat gaya tha. Yeh thoda hila dene wali khabar thi mere aur mere family ke liye par phir bhi image sudhri hui thi. Phir main pass hoker class 10th me pahucha. Kehte hain ki high school student ke liye Iron-Gate hota hai. Agar ise paar kar gaye toh aage ke safar me suffer nahi karna padta. Main isme high score karna chahta tha.
Pata hai aapko ki insaan ki sabse badi kamzori uska dill hota hai kyuki dill kaheen bhi lag sakta hai. Jo ladka ladkiyon ko kabhi dhyaan se dekhta tak nahi tha , uske liye yeh ajeeb hi tha. Saal ke shuruvat me meri class-teacher ne mujhe girls row me baitha diya. Mujhe bhi koi fark nahi pada tha tab. Pehla 1 mahina toh main mute hoker bita liya. Par jab ek ladki bolna shuru karti hai tab to bhagwan chahke bhi use chup nahi kara sakte . Class ki padhai se kab dhyaan hata , pata hi nahi chala. Class me topic ko bhulkar hum apne hi topic me lag jaate . Jaise ki agar class me Joint family pe lecture chal raha hota tha , tab main aur wo ek-dusre ki family ki problems pe dhyaan de rahe hote the. Jaise ki agar class me Environment education chal raha hota tha , tab main aur wo apne favorite destinations pe discuss kar rahe hote the . Board exam ki kise padi thi tab , jab aage ki life settle ho rahi thi. Dheere - dheere humari baate pure school me phailne lagi. Kya students , yaha tak ki staffroom me bhi teachers hume hi burning topics me paate the. Hume pata bhi nahi chala aur hum ek-dusre ko pasand karne lage. Shayad hum done , kyuki mujhe abhi tak yeh nahi pata hai ki wo mujhe like karti hai ki nahi. Wo mere batch ki sabse sundar ladki thi . Sabhi mere dost mujhse jalne lage the , kyuki aadhe to uske peeche pade the aur jo nahi pade the wo mere dost nahi the. Exam paas aate gaye , 6 mahine beet gaye the hume saath baithe hue. Poori class idhar ki udhar hoti gayi par teacher ne kabhi hume alag nahi kiya. Main uske liye kuch bhi kar sakta tha. Ek din main school pahucha aur thoda sa sad tha kyuki subah - subah hi papa ne mujhe khari-khoti sunaayi thi kyuki asar mere marks pe dikhne laga tha. Us din main kuch nahi bola. Bilkul chup aur sirf soch me ki sab mujhse naaraj kyu hone lage the . Par mere iss sad mood ko usne badal diya , jab din ke aakhri period me usne meri taraf dekhkar mujhse poocha "Vishnu ! kya hua ?Tum aaj kuch bol kyu nahi rhe ho ?" Uska chehra dekh main apna gussa aur dard bhool gaya aur haste hue yeh keh diya ki main dekhna chahta tha ki tum kab tak chup rehti ho. Itna kehte hi wo has padi aur uski uss muskaan pe meri nazrein tham gayi. Wo mere dill ki khaas banti jaa rahi thi. Saamne aate hi mere aankhon ke channel pe chha jaati thi. Yaad hai mujhe jab wo kis adaa se apne baal ko apne kaano ke peeche kiya karti thi. Wo thi hi aisi ki kisi ko bhi usse pyaar ho sakta tha. Mere liye dosti pyaar me badal chuki thi. Par maine kabhi usse kaha nahi. Darta tha ki kaheen wo mujhe mana na karde . Kar bhi sakti thi kyuki school me mujhe jaanta hi kaun tha. Na to main topper tha aur na hi maine apna talent dikhane ki koshish ki kabhi. I was jus another ordinary student. Par wo school ki best dancers me se ek thi . School ke Annual Function me uska dance dekhne ke liye maine apna coaching tak chodh diya tha. Meri important things ki list me wo sabse upar aa chuki thi. Par phir se fate. Mujhe class teacher ne alag place de di. Usse bahut dur . Wo bhi mujhe bhoolne lagi aur phir hum doobara kabhi baat nahi kar paaye. Maine bhi kabhi usse milne ki koshish nahi ki. Saal bit raha tha aur humare bich ki dooriyan badhti jaa rahi thi. Aise hi pyaar aur padhai mujhse door ho gaye . Wo na phir dekhi meri taraf aur maine bhi padhai se muuh pher liya. Board exam dekhte-dekhte khatam ho gaya aur mujhe pata bhi nahi chala. Kya hoga result ka ? Sab jaante hai jab tak aadmi check pe sign nahi karta tab tak cash nahi milta. Mujhe darr tha ki kaheen main fail na ho jaaun. High school me fail hona badi sharm ki baat thi aur wo bhi mere liye. But it was not about failing , I would never want to score mere marks even. Kam marks le ke main kya karta. Main ab bhi sochta hun ki wo mujhse itni baat karti thi aur aisa kya hua jo wo ab mujhe dekhna tak nahi chahti .Shayad jo uss din class me huwa uski wajah se.
Hum dono saath me baithe the. Har - roj ki tarah ek-dusre ki aankhon me aankhen aur baato me baate. Uske paas bolne ke liye kabhi kisi topic ki kami nahi thi. Din ka last period tha . Teacher ne surprise entry ki aur mujhe khada hone ko kaha. Main tab bilkul anjaan tha ki kya hone wala tha. Aur jaise hi unhone bolna shuru kiya " In class 9th , a quite boy but serious student came in my eyes, Vishnu . But now u have just turned everything against you. I always wanted to hear of you but in a good way. Everyone in the staff is talking about you and you know why. " Main kuch bhi nahi keh sakta tha. Mujhe laga ki unki speech khatam ho gayi thi par " And the same thing goes for you to Soniya. I have come to hear a lot and i dnt want to hear anymore. Vishnu is a nice boy and Its better you concentrate on your studies . Sit Down !" Maine Soniya ke aankhon me ajeeb sa darr dekha. Mujhe laga ki shayad mujhe khud hi apni place change kar leni chayiye. Main nahi chahta ki meri wajah se Soniya ko aisa sunna pade. Soniya bhi gusse se laal thi aur main jaane se pehle usse kaha "Sorry Soniya ! meri wajah se tumhe yeh sab kuch..." Main kuch bol bhi nahi paa raha tha. Mere lafs ladkhada rahe the. Kya wo mujhse naaraz thi ? Usne meri taraf dekha aur kaha" Main in sab faltu baato pe nahi dhyaan deti. Tum bhi mat dena . Hum dost hai aur acche dost rahenge. Darna mat aise comments se Vishnu !" Itna bolkar usne mere dill par se patthar sa hata diya . Main khush tha ki Soniya sambhal chuki thi par mere andar yeh guilt tha ki aage phir aisa na ho. Mujhe place change kar lena chayiye. Main chutti ke baad meri teacher ke paas gaya aur unse vinti ki meri place kal change kar de. Agle din aisa hi hua. Hum alag ho gaye the. Maine jo bhi kiya Soniya ki bhalai ke liye kiya. Main mere faisle se khush tha. Soniya ne jaate waqt mera chehra tak nahi dekha. Shayad wo nahi chahti thi ki meri place change ho . Shayad wo mere jaane se khush nahi thi. Uski kami ko kam karne ke liye maine socha ki padhai pe dhyaan lagauun. Par kehte hain na ki agar ek baar dill kaheen lag jaaye phir uske baad kaheen aur dhyaan nahi lagta. Door rehke bhi main uske sabse kareeb aa chuka tha. Par na maine kabhi usse baat karne ki koshish ki aur na hi wo kabhi aage aayi. Main yeh maan baitha tha ki shayad yeh humari kahani ka the end tha. Par pyaar ko bhulana itna aasaan nahi hota. Din-raat sirf usi ke saath bitaaya har pal yaad karta rehta tha.Uski baatein , uski muskaan , uski adaa.....Ufff ! mere cable pe sirf Soniya ka channel chalta tha . Kitaab ke har panne par aake mujhe pareshaan karna to uski aadat ban chuki thi. Uska favourite actor John Abrahim hai aur jab uski yaad aati thi to main Dostana film dekh leta tha. Aisa iss age me hota hai maine suna tha par jab mere saath huwa to pata chala ki ek baar yeh ho gaya toh uske baad sambhalna bahut mushkil hota hai.
Itna dismiss hona kam tha ki maine apna board exam bhi kharaab kar diya. Har paper me kuch na kuch galti mujhse ho hi jaa rahi thi. Kisi paper me question number lagaana bhool gaya toh kisi paper me question hi karna bhool gaya. Jitna galti kar sakta tha , utna galat huwa . Mera mind set drastic khaddhe me jaa chuka tha. Exam khatam hone ke baad main chutti bhi nahi jhel sakta tha. Aur na hi jhel paaya. Isiliye to aaj Soniya ko , apni mummy - papa ko , apne bhai ko , apni behen ko aur kuch acchhe doston ko chodh ke main jaa raha hun. Apne ghar ke 3rd floor se main kud gaya. Mera bachna to jaise bhaad aayi aur kuch bhi dooba nahi. Yeh thi meri kahani ek saal ki . Ek saal jisme maine zindagi se haar maan li aur alvida keh ke bhagwan ke paas chala. Mujhe iske liye sab maaf karde , yehi meri last wish hai. Koi mujhe gaaliyan mat dena , haste - haste meri vidaai karna .
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